4th October 2008.
Letter to the editor. (For publication.)
I am writing to end continuing speculation within the village on my self imposed social isolation.
Your readers, many of whom know me, will be aware that I have become a recluse who actively avoids social contact. I find myself in a Catch-22 situation, for when I do come face to face with locals, I am always asked why I haven't been seen around for a while. The catch is that the aspect of my character that compels me to solitude also seems to preclude me from giving them a satisfactory answer, so I hope this letter will satisfy the curiosity.
By way of example I am half-minded to explain myself by describing an encounter that I had recently. On this occasion I found myself unable to decline an offer of afternoon tea and scones with a well respected local lady who seemed genuinely concerned for my state of mind.
I cannot go into detail, since I would feel obliged to be less than truthful and alter details to save embarrassment to those involved, and such deceit is against my nature. For instance I would use, say, the name Sylvia instead of Virginia and the term 'sister' in place of 'daughter'. Further, the event did not take place in the Vestry, and I can only suggest that any unexplained stains on the maroon carpet are likely due to the activity of the vicar's excitable pet Spaniel.
I hope this clarifies the matter and satisfies those who might be concerned for my well being, or the safety of the local community.
Stanley J Gleaning-Oldschool
I'm amazed by your self confidence. You strut around as if you're the master of the Universe!
Well I don't pretend to know all the answers.
Oh, is that so?
What's your point?
The point is you act as if you do.
Who's acting? Like I just said, I don't pretend.